Hi, I'm No One (2013)

Revised at 2015 // COPYRIGHT 2013 // A work made by Andrea Altamirano, CANNOT BE REPRODUCED WITHOUT PERMISSION

Andi. Extra & Ordinary. Meaning, I was always just an extra to everyone’s life and i was never unique, just an ordinary lady trying to exist. I’m not living, I’m just existing. I call myself a faded spirit. I declare myself as a risk taker.

I am obsessed with vintage stuffs and city lights and great food. And one day I want to share my obsessions with my “the one.” I’m hopeless romantic & silly & clingy & hot headed. I like faded photos because I think they represent that everything in life slowly fades too. 

For my whole existence, I believed that I am just a mistake. I grew up being independent. Mature most of the times yet at times I want to be immature too, I also want to be taken care of. 

I have a great life. A loving family, true friends and good health. Yet sometimes, i feel like something’s incomplete.

This essay is stupid and irrelevant. I’m sure no one would even read this at all. Behind all those walls I built to protect my feelings, is a lady who is wounded and scarred through the years. I had this boy once, 2 years and 6 months, but I guess I was never going to be enough for anyone. I wonder if I’m ever going to find the one. My friends already found theirs, will I ever find mine?

I’m never easy to love. Its like they’re going to love me for one characteristic I have, then fall out love for another. Basically, they fall out of love most of the time because I’m clingy. Clingy Andi gets no where.

I envy other girls, with just one smile, a guy already falls head over heels for them. Oh right, I’m still a teenager, you’re probably laughing at me right now. But this is what adolescent life has done to me. It made me confuse and crazy. I don’t even know my priorities.

Vintage stuffs. I guess i’m just really in love with the thought of the past. I love history so much. And I don’t like the thought of being forgotten. 

City lights. There’s just something about city lights that I love so much. It comforts me, it makes me write good songs, it makes think that if I would choose one moment to remember forever, its the thought of city lights. 

Great food. Whoever doesn’t want great food is more worthless than I am. I love candies, sour ones usually. I love chocolates, reeses and butterfinger are the best. I love pizza and pasta and burger and fries and ice cream, and every food that’s full of fat and junk. But i love salads too.

I love dark skies

I love peaceful oceans.

I love the thought of travelling the whole world alone one day. 

I love singing sad and sappy songs.

I love being around boys as my bestfriends. I trust more guy friends than girl friends. 

I love it when someone calls me beautiful, even though I’m not.

I love it when someone holds my hand.

I love it when someone hugs me tighter than the way I hug them.

I love it when someone remembers that I can’t sleep without good night msgs.

I love it when a guys likes and sings the same music as i do.

I love it when I find a fellow bookworm.

I love the taste of coffee, the taste off bitterness and sweetness together.

I love keeping photographs and remembering important dates.

I love my hair. The best part of my body. I like to curl it, straight it, dye it and everything else.

I love braids. I’m a sneaker and pants type of person. But I also love dresses, makes me feel like I’m a princess. 

I love being alone yet i hate being lonely.

I think the best/worst part about me is that I really think, I’M UGLY. I pretend to be someone beautiful yet when I reach my home and look in the mirror, I see someone ugly. I see someone who isn’t confident, I see someone who lost stars, I see someone who just isn’t enough for anything at all.

I hate myself.

I hate the world.

I hate it when someone looks into my eyes, I feel like they’re going to see my ugly side.

I hate it when someone tells me I’m beautiful, because I know I’m not.

I hate that I’m writing this essay because I have no more strength to tell people what I feel.

I hate that I have to hide this things to myself.

I hate that I was suicidal before. 

I hate that I cry over little things.

I hate being lonely, yet I love being alone.

I’m over dramatic. 

I’m worthless.

I’m every negative adjective you can ever think of.

 I already lost the ability to be happy.

Thank you. For reading my empty essay. Hi, I’m No One. Can you notice me?